Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
