Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
