Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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