new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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