someone owes me an orgasm
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
