i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize