Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Did I show you my penis last night?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
