he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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