I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize