I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You pole danced in your parka.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
