remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I love you.
Bad choice
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
