I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
