just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
