seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
