SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
