My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
