I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
