Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
