This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
