someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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