My liver just broke up with me...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
