I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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