Your face is a jimmy john
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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