I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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