I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
