im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
