somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize