quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
