good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
