Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
