Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
