wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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