The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
