eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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