my soul wont recognize me after tonight
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
