Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
