dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
