I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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