I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
