sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
