she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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