Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
