It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
