My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
