Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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