If i come over, it means nothing
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
