Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
