we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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