All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
