I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
