Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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