Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
