You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize