there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
operation harelip BJ is a go
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
