Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
