I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
