i used baking grease as lip gloss
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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