So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
