im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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