At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
