He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize