haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
