I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
