were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's shark week go big or go home
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
