They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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